Ventilation

Why do I blog? Because I have something to express. Whether it is a point of view, or an interesting anecdote, or a piece of camera art... I blog to express myself.

I also blog because nobody can interrupt me. And when I verbally express myself... more often than not... I'm interrupted. People don't listen to me. Even though, I later am validated that what I had to say was worth listening to... because not listening to me bit others in the ass.

Last night, I went to a meeting for an event I'm helping out with. In the past, I've been very involved in this event. I know a lot of what has happened. So, I'm a great resource.

But I'm not as involved this year. Stuff happened, not nice stuff. So, I'm skittish about the event. I went to the meeting to try and get my feet wet, so that when the event happens, I'm not feeling like I just jumped in the deep end of a very cold swimming pool.

So, at this meeting last night - I bring up a valid point. And before I can finish saying what I was saying... I'm interrupted over and over, and other people take control of the discussion and my unfinished viewpoint gets dissed and dismissed. And my fear (and, honestly, my hope) is that it bites them in the ass that they didn't want to listen to me.

And it happened other times in this meeting. Interrupt me, talk louder than me so I can't be heard. There was even a guy sitting next to me telling me how to do the job I am signed up to do. A job I've done before... hell, this is a part of the event that I created.

Here's the catch for me. I'm struggling with boosting up my self-esteem. Being around people who don't want to hear what I have to say... not a good thing for my self-esteem. There is a part of me that feels like they don't think I am good enough because of the WAYS (plural) they chose NOT to listen to me.

This blog is my way of expressing myself. I have very few readers. I'd like that to change. But right now, I'm not sure that's a good idea.